Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
