i already hear my dad disowning me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
