...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
