I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
