just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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