I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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