Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
smell my finger.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
