so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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