i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
