hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
