i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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