i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
