yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
