You don't have asthma, your pregnant
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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