lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
