worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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