Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
