Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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