She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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