To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
