what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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