She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
