stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
