i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
