using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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