do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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