Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
