Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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