Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
