Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
