chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
