I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
3 2 1 whiskey
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
