Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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