We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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