69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Houston, we have a blender
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
