Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
