I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
