I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Randomize
