i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
