Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
