Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
