let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
