I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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