Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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