somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
