Got a toothbrush?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
