No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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