my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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