I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
