she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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