My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
