I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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